Amazon Bids $55 Trillion to Acquire The Amazon

In an unprecedented move, Amazon announced its bid to acquire The Amazon rain forest. If the deal takes place, Amazon will expand its already massive inventory to include endangered species and billions of trees.  

Amazon has already commissioned South American architects to design the company’s headquarters which would rest near The Amazon’s indigenous villages. Amazon plans to transition seamlessly and hopes the natives are more welcoming than the ungrateful homeless people of Seattle.

Amazon Prime members can stay at any of The Amazon’s five star resorts where somehow Wi-Fi is available. Eco-friendly drones allow guests to order next day delivery of essentials like yoga sandals, organic walnut butter and the therapeutic oil diffuser current deal of the day. Guests can also sell any gold they mine while in The Amazon for a $39 monthly seller’s fee.  

Surprisingly, there hasn't been any opposition to the purchase because nothing matter anymore.

(Photo courtesy of IStock by Getty Images) Indigenous Man helps tourist spot the drone carrying his Amazon Prime delivery containing his aloe vera infused mosquito repellent.